


Hidan in Wonderland

by Wierdowithagun



Category: Naruto
Genre: Blood, Bodily Fluids, Fluff, Grown men acting like little bitches, Humor, M/M, Mild Gore, Randomness, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-05
Updated: 2014-06-05
Packaged: 2018-02-03 13:15:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1745951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wierdowithagun/pseuds/Wierdowithagun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hidan goes to therapy. Stuff happens. Weird stuff. This is not a parody, I'm just bad with titles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hidan in Wonderland

**Author's Note:**

> Hallo, Wierdo here. This started off as just a retarded random stupid crack, and actually turned into a story, then turned into a random fluffy. I'm not really sure what it's supposed to mean... Basically, this was something I did to pass the time. Apologies for the crappiness of it.
> 
> But I suppose you could still read and review.
> 
> Also, don't try to guess who the therapist is. He's just some fucking guy.

 

* * *

"This is so fuckin' stupid."

Our favorite albino lie back on a forest green cough, fiddling with a loose string.

"Why can't you mortals just accept that shit doesn't always have to have a logical reason behind it?"

His feet were crossed, resting on the armrest at one side, while his upper body was supported by the mirroring side, his arms tightly folded across his chest, save for the one hand tugging on the thread, twirling and untwirling it around his finger.

His therapist, as we've already figured out that he's in therapy, sat in an office chair opposite him, staring at the Jashinist and tapping his pen against the clipboard resting on his lap. He did not respond to Hidan, to be honest, he didn't want to. The poor man had more or less been forced into doing this. He was literally, and I mean literally in every sense of the word, the only professional left who had any non-superficial therapeutic techniques. All the others had quit, or needed therapy themselves, after trying to deter Hidan from his unfavorable ways.

He swallowed hard. He did not want to do this, he was very near to wetting his pants already.

But Kakuzu had 'insisted', if that's what you wanted to call it. In more truthful terms, he had threatened the man's life. The man who we're going to refer to as Bob, because he requested that his identity remain a mystery, which would explain the false beard/mustache/eyeglass combo he wore.

Hidan coughed, and unfolded his arms long enough to reposition and/or scratch the contents beneath the crotch of his pants.

"Alright Teach, let's get this shit over with. You're the last fucker willing to deal with me, so hurry the fuck up and ask me some questions that my answers to will make you question your own sanity."

Bob nervously eyed the triple bladed scythe resting against the wall just behind the silver hair of this truly terrifying man. Despite his efforts, Hidan absolutely refused to leave his weapon outside the door with his receptionist. Something that made Bob's gut churn.

"Well.. Mister...uh..." Bob flipped through his papers, realizing there was no last name listed for his patient.

"I have no last name. Followers of the great and mighty Jashin are of the same family, all separation has been destroyed." Hidan stated boredly, Bob assumed that he'd probably explained this with every therapist he'd seen so far.

Bob cleared his throat and tugged at the collar of his shirt. Hidan noticed, and flashed the man a wicked smile.

"A-alright Hidan." he again cleared his throat, stuttering was a huge no-no in situations such as this. If Hidan knew of his intense fear, the man would toy with him. Kakuzu had thoroughly warned Bob of this. He closed his eyes for a moment, took a slow, controlled breath, released it, and opened his eyes.

"Well, since you've already been through all the usual mumbo-jumbo..." Bob stated, flipping through the enormous file of this (terrifying) individual. "We'll jump straight into the few strategies that haven't been tried on you.

"Haven't been tried on me? I'm not some fucking lab rat you moronic shit-for-brains." Despite the hostility of the statement, Hidan remained right where he was, save for the fact that his hands had been moved behind his head, and his eyes were now closed.

Bob took another breath.

"I meant nothing of the sort. Anyway, let's get started, I want to jump headfirst into this right off the bat. See what we can get accomplished in our short amount of time together."

"Go for it bitch. Just stay outta my pants."

Bob attempted to think of a response to this statement, kind of a wild thing to say wasn't it? However, he should probably expect such things from this man. So he shook it off, and leaned forward to place the clipboard on the coffee table.

"I want to try a type of genjutsu, it could be compared to old-fashioned hypnotism. I want to get inside your head and see what's going on down in the recesses of your mind."

"Fuck you! Keep your shit outta my head! Ain't you stupid fuckers ever heard of privacy!? Seriously." Hidan had twisted in an instant so that he was now sitting upright on the couch, with one arm stretched out toward Bob, pointing an accusing finger at the therapist.

Bob's heart dropped into his stomach. "You'll be there too Hidan. I'm not just going to trounce around your brain without a guide. You can direct us, anything you don't want brought to the surface will be left very well alone."

Hidan lowered his hand and considered this, a distinct pout on his lips. A toothy grin spread across his face that made Bob's cheeks clench.

"Alright. Let's do this shit mister Boss-man." The albino clapped his hands together and rubbed them.

Bob sighed. Attempting to mentally prepare himself, before deciding that there were few things in the world one could ever be truly prepared for... and this was not one of them. Not in the least.

"Alright, I need you to get yourself comfortable. When it starts your physical body is going to fall limp and I don't want you cracking your skull on anything."

"Tch, sounds like less pain that this stupid fucking therapy session."

Bob ignored his comment and put his fingertips together, he shut his eyes and mumbled a few unrecognizable words. Hidan stared, one silver brow raised.

Bob's eyes flew open suddenly and he leaned forward staring deep into those violet eyes. Hidan was too caught off guard to react, and was caught immediately in the genjutsu.

Bob remembered one conscious thought before he was suddenly transported straight into hell.

What a strange, wonderful color eye-color...

* * *

 

"Hey. Get up fuckface."

Bob stirred, he didn't want to get up. It couldn't be morning already, he felt as if he'd just barely fallen asleep.

"I said get the fuck up!"

A sudden roaring pain in his gut made him yelp, and leap up from the ground into a defensive position. He looked around, he seemed to be in a giant white dome, his face was plastered across the immense ceiling. But the picture was moving, repeating the action he'd just done.

Bob stared at this for a while, before realizing there was someone standing beside him, chuckling.

His head snapped around to behold none other than Hidan, standing with his three-bladed scythe slung over his shoulder. He was also looking up at the ceiling, no longer laughing, just a slight smile on his face.

Then he looked down, the picture itself was... a little indescribable for Bob. He was terrified, to a point. This man was the absolutely definition of unpredictable. Masochistic, as well as horribly sadistic, borderline psychotic, worshiping a God that no one else had ever heard of, a god that not only approved of slaughter and chaos, but fed on it... This man could very well be the Devil incarnate.

On the other hand, this man was beautiful.

"Alright dickmunch, stop fucking me with your eyes. What's next?"

Bob was brought out of his trance and tore his eyes away from his patient. It was a trap, just like any evil thing. They lured you in with the promise of Nirvana, made you feel safe, and then devoured your soul.

Bob shook his head and got up, finally remembering where he was and why he was here. He'd never actually used this form of Genjutsu before. He'd never needed to.

He looked around again, the image across the ceiling of the dome was still of him, but now it showed his head being cut off, by a triple-bladed...

His head snapped back over to Hidan, who was staring at him boredly, one brow slightly raised.

Ah... It shows what he's thinking...

Bob pretended to shake the dust off his clothes as he collected himself, and cleared his throat yet again. He didn't really have any plans, it was impossible to know what he'd encounter in here.

"So is this seriously what's in my head? Kinda disappointing. It's a good thing that useless prick Kakuzu isn't here... he'd probably say some shit about how empty it is." Hidan had his back turned while saying this, but as the words lingered in the air, he whirled around and pointed at Bob again. "Or is this some stupid fucking trick? Are we even in my head or in some bullshit world you created? You better now screw with me dude, I'm fucking warning you."

Several images of bloody, dismantled corpses flashed across the room. Not only of Bob, but of what he presumed Hidan imagined his family and friends to look like as well.

Bob swallowed hard.

"I assure you Hidan, this is no trick."

Hidan's stance relaxed, and the walls turned to what could best be described as T.V. static.

"Well. Uhm. I believe that we're just on the edge of your consciousness right now. We need to go deeper... To the point where even you don't know what's going on. That's when we'll find out what really makes you tick."

A multitude of new pictures flashed across the screen, faster than Bob could really determine what any of them was. He did notice that in many of them there was what looked to be his face, and lots of blood.

He needed to get out of this room if he didn't want to lose his courage... and control of his bladder.

"Well? How the fuck do we get out?"

"I don't know, this is your mind we're in. Only you can figure it out."

Hidan chewed on his lip for a moment, looking around. Bob at first wondered what he was looking for, then it occurred to him to look up, and he saw the room they were in, but with a door.

Well, there was obviously no door. Hidan soon figured this out. And to Bob's sudden freight, Hidan swung his scythe around and just barely missed the tip of Bob's nose. Hidan continued to maneuver so that the scythe spun like a pinwheel in his hands, raised it up, still spinning, and with an audible effort slammed it down hard onto the floor, blades down. Hidan's red and black cloak slowly stopped waving, and Bob's heart slowly returned to its normal rhythm.

Well, the blades had pierced the floor, and Bob watched the walls and ceiling of the room as possible options came and went through Hidan's mind. It was surprising, he didn't really expect the Jashinist to think so quickly.

Finally, Hidan seemed to come to a conclusion, and ripped the weapon from the floor. He started to kneel down before looking back up at Bob briefly.

"Don't look at my ass, perve." Then he got on hands and knees and lowered himself to look through the hole. Bob watched the scenery around him and grew nervous.

"Let's go, motherfucker." Hidan said, having gotten up without Bob noticing. He grabbed the mans wrist and twisted, swinging Bob up, over, and down onto the floor as if he weighed nothing at all. Bob didn't even have time to prepare for the inevitable spurt of pain that would come from being slammed onto the floor.

However, it didn't come. When he opened his eyes he was falling, with Hidan right behind him, his arms and legs spread out like a skydiver, the scythe had been hooked onto his back again. He was whooping wildly, and in between the flips and other tricks the albino was performing, he saw the small hole far above them that they'd fallen through, it was closing up... and were those teeth? Had they just been eaten into Hidan's unconsciousness?

Bob had a terrible feeling that this had been a horrible, horrible idea.

* * *

 

Hidan made sounds that could only really be described as bird calls, though they were clearly just shouts and screams. They continued falling, Bob looked like he was about to wet his pants. Hidan laughed maniacally. This guy wanted to see what was in his head, He'd let him. Hidan would put on the biggest show this guy's ever seen. After Hidan was done with him, this guy would probably commit suicide.

He smiled a smile so sinister, he might have even scared himself if they were still in the previous room.

They landed hard, Hidan on his feet, and Bob on his face. This brought out a snicker from Hidan.

"Keep up Boss-man, geez, you're the fucking therapist here and yet I'm the only one who knows what's going on!"

Bob opened his mouth to reply, only to be shocked into silence as Hidan snatched his scythe and spun around, decapitating some kind of strange mutant beings. They squealed and squirmed as some sticky green liquid spurted from their neckholes. A small glob landed on Bob's face, and began sizzling.

He screamed and slapped it off, stumbling to his feet beside Hidan.

"What are these things?" He was nearly clinging to the taller man.

"Uh... monsters. Duh." Hidan sliced off the head of another one. It dragged itself around on its from legs for a few seconds, squirting out more of that disgusting bile, before plopping down onto the floor, which Bob just now realized was slowly turning into skin.

The monsters seemed to be materializing out of this air, disgusting slug-like tings that dragged themselves forward on two twig-thin legs, with giant bat ears and gaping mouths. Hidan slashed back and forth almost nonchalantly, Bob cowered behind him, unsure as to whether these things could actually cause them real harm. A disgusting array of choking sounds echoed back and forth across the small 'room' as the monsters vomited up some disgusting acidic fluid, Bob had to pinch his nose to keep his lunch down. The smell was just wretched.

The skin-floor beneath them grew soft and took on a consistency of jelly, their feet grew heavier and heavier on the mushy ground, and the creatures began sinking through it as their spit eroded it slowly, it ate away slowly, spreading further and further. Fading roars sounded up from the menacing darkness that peeked up through the holes.

Hidan was unusually silent, looking around above them with a calculating squint. And in an instant he grabbed Bob by the shirt and lunged forward to the wall. At the last second he leaped, planting his feet firmly against said wall, which had taken on the same characteristics as the floor. His boots sank in with a sick sucking sound, and his body bent backward at the knees.

Before Bob could even register what was happening, he was suddenly hanging by nothing but his shirt over a floor that was falling apart like wet mud, plummeting down until they became lost in the black beyond.

He looked up to see Hidan grinning wildly at him, upside down with an arm outstretched, holding on to what Bob had to assume was himself, the other arm bent at a painful looking angle to assure that his weapon stayed secured to his back. Hidan's cloak had fallen up over him, creating a background that conflicted nicely with his pale skin and the dark cloth.

"My head is fuckin' awesome. I should come here more often. Better than the real world..."

Bob didn't reply, He'd thought he was on the verge of pissing himself before, but now, the dam was about to break. And break it did 5 seconds later when the walls could no longer keep hold of the weight of two grown men. Hidan continued to whoop and holler as they fell with inclining speed into the abyss, Bob closed his eyes and cried silently. He was far too frightened to do it aloud.

Again Bob was grabbed by the course fabric he was wearing, and yanked roughly to a halt, or what he thought was a halt. Upon opening his eyes, he realized he had just slowed down immensely. Again, he let his head fall back to stare up at the albino wonder above him, who had, amidst his various backflips and other childish midair tricks, grabbed his scythe, wrapped the retractable cord firmly around his forearm and hand, and slammed the blades into the fleshy wall. This of course, was the source of their slowed falling.

"Kinda getting tired of saving your ass, seriously. I might just fucking let you splat like a bug next time." Hidan's grin had faded, but was still there. "And don't think I don't smell your piss. I should fuckin' sacrifice you right now for doing that shit in my head..."

The therapists face burned intensely. He tried to stammer out an apology when the scythe came loose from the wall. He managed a very short scream this time, before they both plunged into a deep pool of ... something that definitely wasn't water.

Bob kept his eyes tightly shut as he flailed uselessly around underneath it. He didn't want to know what surrounded him. All he could think of were those horrible slug mutants and their vile leaking fluids, they were probably swimming around in here looking for a way out, one would bump into him soon and he would lose his last shred of sanity.

He finally broke the surface of the weird liquid, gasping far too dramatically. "What the hell is this stuff!?" He croaked, unsure as to where Hidan even was. There was no reply.

Bob treaded in the thick nameless wetness, the smell was just... so bizarre. It was almost familiar, but he couldn't even begin to place it. It was slimy, not just wet like regular old water, and thicker than water, and almost a metallic taste, and...

He stopped breathing.

"Oh my God..." He muttered, unable to see in the complete and utter darkness. Still, he brought a hand up close to his face, he didn't have to see it, he could imagine it.

His hand would be stained red, his entire body dyed the darkest crimson.

It was blood.

He was swimming in blood.

He was so positive of it that he didn't even need Hidan's confirmation, wherever the hell he'd gone.

That was it, that was the last straw, he was ending this genjutsu, right now. He didn't need to see anymore, he didn't want to. He clapped his hands together, kicking his feet harder to stay afloat, and began muttering a series of phrases.

Of course, he was cut off by a low, but extremely loud rumbling. He heard the sound of running water... or blood in this case, and felt the pull of the current. He thought he might be crying, but he wasn't sure. This shit just never ended.

Then he heard Hidan screaming again, not a frightened scream of course, no, it was just that usual skin-crawling sound he made when he was excited.

"Hidan!" Bob called out, trying to keep his voice from cracking. "Where are you?"

No answer, just more far off yelling. It sounded like he was swearing at someone...

Something closed around Bob, He immediately recognized it as a hand, an enormous hand. It squeezed him to the point where Bob honestly believe he'd would pop, and all his organs would come bursting out the top of his head. This thought almost made him laugh, Hidan would have got a kick out of this.

He was pulled through whatever tear the blood was filtering through, and nearly blinded by the light of this next... well we'll just call them rooms for simplicity's sake. After blinking several times and becoming used to the light, he noticed that the skin of the hand was a very deep brown, almost the color of coffee. The second thing he noticed was the intense humming, it was as if a trillion base drums were all being beaten mercilessly.

Upon looking up, he groaned, recognizing the masked face of the giant he was captive to. There was no mistaking the green, pupil-less eyes and the red sclera.

He was brought up mere inches from those eyes, he could see his reflection quite clearly in them, decked out in Christmas colors.

The eyes narrowed, then the entire giant head turned and looked down, Bob followed the gaze of the enormous Kakuzu.

"S'up Boss man!" Hidan yelled from far, far below. "You don't keep up well, seriously. "

Bob could barely hear him, as he'd just noticed where that horrible noise was coming from.

There were hearts, trillions and trillions of them, lining the walls and floors, creating the giant throne that Kakuzu the giant was seated upon. And we're not talking cute little valentine's hearts, they were real hearts, from inside real bodies. They were of varying sizes, some small enough to have come from his very own ribcage, other's enormous, bigger than would even fit in the chest of this fake Kakuzu holding him. Each of them alive, beating, connected to blue, red, and purple veins running all across the massive space

With great effort, he twisted his body around to see where he'd come from, and his suspicions were dead on. Behind him, stuck up in the middle of the wall was a heart 5 times the size of the biggest one in the room. It had a jagged slash down its side, as if some scythe wielding maniac had hacked his way through it. Through the wound filtered a waterfall of blood, it crashed down onto the pulsating floor and was slowly creating a river through the cavern. Dotting the walls were torches of just as many varying sizes that had been lit and stayed lit by means that Bob had no interest in learning about.

It was almost, _almost_ a captivating scene, in a really morbid way.

"Pretty great huh?"

Bob yelped at the sudden voice so close to him. His head whipped around to Hind Hidan crouching on a huge finger beside him.

"Even I didn't think I was capable of shit like this..."

Hidan had a peaceful smirk on his face, staring around the room. Bob found it deeply disturbing that he'd find such a thing so beautiful. But, upon rethinking it, he didn't find it all that unexpected.

"W-why is he here?" Bob stammered.

Hidan frowned and looked up at the masked face of the sole resident of this kingdom. "I don't fucking know. Probably cause I have to look at his dumb fucking face every day. He's kinda become a shitty part of day to day life I guess..."

"Why did he pull me out of there?"

Hidan's frown deepened. "'Cause I fucking told him to, dumbass. Are you retarded or something?"

Bob thought about this for a while, a chill ran up his spine as he realized how much he preferred this setting to all the previous ones. It was much calmer, in his defense. He could actually think clearly.

So now was his time to actually do his job.

"Does he usually listen to you, in real life?"

The Jashinist turned back to him, studying Bob with those interesting damn purple eyes of his. "Hell no. Dumb fucker treats me like a kid. Treats everyone like a kid. Just cause he's a dusty old fart he thinks he knows everything there is to know."

"Then I wonder why he's so obedient in here..."

"Sweet mother of Jashin, is there even a brain in there? Cause this is my head, I can make him do whatever I want. I could have him do the stupid fuckin' chicken dance if I wanted."

Hidan didn't notice the giant Kakuzu's eyes narrow even further behind him.

"This fucking clone will do whatever I want. He's like, my slave or some shit. Cause he knows I'll slaughter his big dumb ass if he doesn't."

"Hidan-"

Bob's warning didn't get much further than that before a second giant hand wrapped around the albino man. He shouted a long string of curse words and wriggled to escape Kakuzu's grip, but tiny little threads were slipping out of various tears and cracks in the giants skin and securing him even further. Bob was suddenly falling as he was released from the opposing hand, which was used to tear Hidan's scythe away from him. It was also discarded onto the soft floor, very nearly slicing off one of Bob's legs as he landed.

"KAKUZU! You dumb son of a bitch! Fuckin' put me down!"

The giant Taki ninja raised his other hand again, and flicked Hidan's head right off his shoulders. Then he opened his hand, which also pulled all the tiny threads tight enough to completely sever several of Hidan's limbs from his torso. They fell down piece by piece, landing in various spot all around Bob's sprawled out body.

"That fuckin' hurt you fucking faggot! I'm gonna fucking destroy you!" Hidan's decapitated head screamed. And lucky for him it did, or Bob would have had a hell of a time finding it.

In fact, Hidan continued to shout out threats and insults while Bob rolled onto his side and pushed himself up, surprisingly unfazed by what happened. He reasoned with himself that he just simply couldn't be frightened anymore, so his body's response to such things had shut down.

"Get me my fucking body parts! Bring them over here and put me back together!"

Bob assumed Hidan was addressing him, seeing as the giant Kakuzu had turned on him and so far hadn't followed any orders. So he began collecting the body parts.

It took a good 45 minutes to make the numerous trips back and forth between Hidan's head and other scattered body parts.

To his surprise, after he'd collected them all and lined them up properly, the giant hand of Kakuzu reached down and cupped itself over Hidan's body. He heard several muffled swear words and other grunts and pained yelps, but made absolutely no effort to help. And luckily so, when the hand finally lifted itself up, Hidan's body had been sewn haphazardly back together.

The Jashinist silently stood up and dusted himself off, and glared up at Kakuzu. "Stupid old man..." Bob looked up too, and saw just the tiniest hint of a smile beneath the mask. He spent several minutes looking back and forth between the two, and finally made a connection just in time for the giant hand to scoop both of them up and toss them down the cavern, where once again they were falling down into pitch darkness.

"Stupid fucker! What about my scythe!" Hidan screamed in the darkness. Something came whirring between their head, obviously having been thrown much harder, and 'plunked' into the ground down below them.

Bob managed to land on his feet this time, despite the disorientation caused by any lack of light whatsoever. Hidan's footsteps and swears echoed as he felt around for his scythe, making Bob suspect that they were in a tunnel of some sort. Finally, Hidan made a satisfied noise of some sort and something was wrenched free of something else. Then there were footsteps coming closer, and Hidan sighed.

"I'm bored with this now Boss-man. Get us outta here kay? Besides, it has to have been an hour already."

Bob remained silent, trying to remember what he'd even been looking for in the first place. "I suppose we could call this a failure as well."

"Yea. You pissed yourself anyway. Bitch."

Bob rolled his eyes, and clapped his hands together. He would be happy to get out of this hell.

"Hurry up." Hidan said. Though Bob's eyes were closed, he heard scuffling all around him, and unto his knowledge, random sets of eyes were appearing all over the room. He heard Hidan click his tongue, unimpressed as ever, as bob mumbled out the incomprehensible set of words.

Finally, his eyes flew open.

He took in his surroundings for a moment before smiling and sitting back into his chair. His familiar old office chair and his familiar old office. Oh, he'd never seen a sight so beautiful. He laughed hysterically for as solid 3 minutes while Hidan collected himself off the floor where he'd fallen during the technique. He ran his pale hands across a gash on his forehead where, just as Bob had warned him, he'd crashed onto the corner of the coffee table.

He absently licked the blood from his fingers, and smoothed out his cloak and his hair.

"That was retarded. I feel like I just woke up from a night of shitty drunk sex..." He mumbled.

Bob chuckled, despite himself. "Well the good news is I think I may have uncovered something, a very small piece of the puzzle known as Hidan." Bob grabbed his clipboard and started scribbling madly.

"And what the fuck is that Doc?"

Bob paused, then smiled slowly as he brought his eyes back up to Hidan.

"You and Kakuzu like each other."

"Don't be fucking stupid, I hate that atheist prick." Hidan folded his arms across his chest, his face contorting into a deep scowl.

"That's why he had his very own throne room?" Bob stated as innocently as possible.

" You dumbass! I already told you I just see him every day!"

"I don't believe you, I think you respect him. Maybe even admire him."

"Why the fuck would I admire that piece of shit?"

"Because he's stronger than you?"

"Hah! Even if he was, he only has 5 hearts, stop those and he's dead. Yet he still claims to be immortal. I'm the only true immortal alive, through Lord Jashin's graces."

"Maybe you want him to be immortal? That's why he was surrounded by all those hearts?"

"Listen shithead." Hidan's voice dropped low and he pointed that finger at Bob yet again. "I don't fucking like him. You're starting to piss me off. Keep talking and you'll meet Jashin yourself."

"I'm just pointing out what I noticed. Stay calm Hidan. I mean, he obviously cares for you. I'm aware that that man is not one to spend money lightly. And yet here you are, seeing therapist after therapist. We don't come cheap you know."

"He's just trying to find a way for you to fucking brainwash me so he can get me to do whatever he wants."

"Therapists aren't hypnotists Hidan."

"Shut the hell up! FUCK you're annoying."

"Hidan calm down."

"Nope, sorry boss-man, you pissed me off."

"Put that down. Hidan, What... Hidan! Don't play games, put that thing down. Security! SECURI-"

* * *

 

6 hours later, Hidan was sitting in the room he unfavorably shared with Kakuzu. He sat on his bed, back against the wall with his hands up behind his head, and legs crossed. He'd just finished praying, and didn't feel tired enough to go to bed.

His eyes flicked back and forth between the door and the half-finished bottle of liquor on his nightstand. He wasn't exactly sure what he was waiting for... Why he wasn't already wasted off his ass. That stupid therapist didn't know what the fuck he was talking about. He wasn't staying sober just to see Kakuzu, he was staying sober so he could annoy the living hell out of him. It had become a daily ritual, he couldn't sleep at night unless he knew the old fart was pissed to the point of shoving Hidan's head through the wall.

The door opened.

Hidan grinned.

"What the fuck are you smiling at?"

"Mister what's-his-fuck said something interesting today."

"Congratulations."

"He thinks you have a crush on me." Hidan's grin grew wider.

Kakuzu paused for only a moment at the closet, then continued taking off his cloak.

"Why would I have any sort of affections for an insolent little brat like you?"

"See, that's what I said." Hidan sat up and turned his body so his legs were resting on the floor. "And he made a pretty good point. See, you're a money grubbing bastard. So it doesn't make sense for you to keep paying for me to see these idiots."

"I send you to the therapists so they can find out what's wrong with you and fix it. Because you cannot die, I will be forced to remain partners with you for a very long time, and I would like to not be reduced to suicide just to escape you're annoying voice. It's worth the cost."

"Tch, Kuzu... I think you like me."

"You're horribly mistaken then. And if you call met that again, I'll kill you."

"Like you could pull it off old man." Hidan laughed, hopping up. "Just admit that you like me."

"If you come any closer Hidan..."

"You'll what? Kiss me?"

The vein in Kakuzu's head began throbbing.

"Why you holding back Kuzu~?"

Kakuzu's fists clenched.

"Tch. You're lame..." Hidan said, suddenly backing off. He snatched the bottle of liquor and started from the room, before turning around and digging in his pocket.

"By the way..." He pulled something dripping and sticky and tossed it to the older man, who caught it strictly by reflex. "I got you that."

Without another word Hidan turned and left the room.

Kakuzu glared after him, he knew exactly what he was holding in his hand, but he didn't want to look at it, he didn't want to give Hidan the satisfaction. He wanted to drop it, and stomp on it until it was nothing but a mass of blood and organ-meat on the floor. He wanted to go into the kitchen, Right in front of Hidan, and toss it in the blender.

But... He couldn't.

Because he needed it.

He was one heart short from his latest bounty hunt.

Finally, he sighed, removed his shirt, and went into the bathroom.

Hidan smiled outside the door.

THUH END!

**Author's Note:**

> Yea. Uh, again. I have no idea what happened during the story that made it lead to that ending...
> 
> But... yea. I just don't know. There are a lot of threads throughout this story that I think I intended to connect to something, but kind of just ended up being left there. To be honest I kind of got bored with this like halfway through. Probably explains it.
> 
> But, uh. Yea. So... I'm just gonna go now.
> 
> Reviews are loved.


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